Burnout

I'm so tired rn. I can only blame myself. Actually let's investigate the situation.

I have been away from home for the majority of 3 years now. 2 years in Japan and now 4 months in Virginia. I really enjoyed my mission in Japan but boy did I work hard. I was so tired every day I couldn't make the time to journal or play card games even.

I thought I'd have the same experience here but it's been different. Instead of being surrounded by an ever changing roster of faithful (and less faithful) young adults I'm stuck with my team leader, his introverted wife, and halfway through two new recruits. I love them all don't get me wrong. But...

I've had to put up with my team leader's irresponsible negativity and failure to work diligently. Literally every. single. day.

He's very ambitious like me but for whatever reason since getting married and having a child on the way he's completely folded and is failing to sell as well as he did last year which throws him into this vicious cycle. He's so blatantly trunky and gets so angry at things that he should just let go or accept it gets on my nerves.

Stupidly I'm the same old "gets along with everyone" self so I never give criticism and I'm neglecting him of valuable feedback to change. That also means I'm just putting up with it forever. I really need to be better about that.

In any case his irresponsibility has been rubbing off on me day after day for 4 months and I gave in a little every time.

Now I've been staying up until 2-4am repeatedly working on a multiplayer patch for Bloodborne on ShadPS4. It's fun but I've neglected all my other responsibilities such as my current job, business prospect with Sam, and keeping up communication with friends. Not to mention preparing to leave for BYU.

On top of all that the couple that joined us clearly don't respect my team leader very well at all. They kind of avoid him as much as possible and likewise he can sense they don't like him so he doesn't speak to them either.

So now I find myself acting the glue for this team, leading in sales despite being a first timer, and motivating everyone to sell when they feel they can't. I'm so tired.

Gosh I'm so exhausted and pessimistic rn. I don't actually believe I can make any sales anymore which has killed me. I was making 8 sales a week consistently for weeks because I believed and I worked for it...

Now I'm just enduring each day until I leave for BYU. Realistically though if I don't change this aspect of myself (which I now think boils down to putting up with quirks I don't like in people rather than confronting and helping them overcome it) this vicious cycle is just gonna repeat itself as it always has.